NOW
by AnotherMagicalSummer
Summary: A re-imagining of the break room scene from 3x21. Confessions, sarcasm, yelling, awkwardness... etc. Enjoy!


Amy settled into the chair, alone at a table in the breakroom. She sipped her tea and was enjoying just having the space to herself, letting her brain melt into the quiet. It all still didn't feel real, the pregnancy, telling Adam, telling Alex and also her decision to kiss Jonah. Oh Jonah, he really didn't respond well, but she hadn't really thought about how he would respond. What had she expected? And yet, she realized, his reaction was the one that meant the most.

Then Jonah came into the room. They exchanged some quick banter which almost felt normal. They smiled faintly. Then Jonah kept talking and Amy couldn't believe he was finally willingly speaking to her.

"Look, I'm sorry if I reacted...poorly, yesterday. I think I was just caught by surprise...I, uh, wasn't expecting you to kiss me and it just,... brought up a lot of feelings…I guess" He trailed off and made a cringey face at the floor.

Amy took a hard gulp of the tea she was finishing off. She was so exhausted from the day and felt so foggy from everything, that she just needed a moment to take in Jonah's words. She really didn't feel like talking anymore, why did he have to pick this moment to want to finally talk?

"I'm so tired right now, Jonah…" Amy answered and sighed into her tea.

"Okay…" Jonah hesitated, there was an edge to his voice. Then he quietly sighed and continued, "But I mean,... if you want to talk,...I'm here." He awkwardly gestured outwards with his arms.

Amy looked up at him as he stared expectantly back at her. She'd been wanting to talk to him all day, but now that he was offering she just didn't even know what she wanted to say. Where to begin? What could she possibly say that would make any of this make any sense?

"My life is a mess." Amy finally concluded out loud.

"Ha,.. well. No arguments here." Jonah responded with just a slight smile and he walked up to the table and gestured to a chair, "May I?"

Amy threw her hand up in welcome, "Sure. Yeah. We should… yeah."

"Talk" Jonah finished for her and gave her a cooperating smile.

But then they just sat there in awkward silence for a minute.

Finally Amy sighed, tried to collect her thoughts and started talking. "Okay, look Jonah,.. " She stopped and hesitated again, could she really say out loud all the things that were inside of her? She looked at his expectant face and realized she had nothing left to lose and Dina's voice ran through her head again. 'Do those things…'

"Okay, So my life... _was_ fine. It wasn't great. It wasn't horrible. It was fine. But then,.. I… uh, Well, then you started working at the store,... and…" Amy diverted her eyes and looked at the table instead of Jonah, she couldn't look him in the eye for this… "And, I realized that maybe… maybe my life could be more. Maybe it didn't need to be fine. Maybe it could be better. Maybe… Maybe even great.. Maybe...?"

Amy shook her head hopelessly at her own words. Jonah shifted in his chair and she glanced up at him, his eyes were wide and looked like he was running through thoughts in his head. But before he could interrupt, Amy took a deep breath and kept speaking to the table, "And...I realized that I could have... feelings for someone other than my husband."

At this point Jonah shifted so suddenly in his chair that he banged his knee on the table and Amy saw him cringe out of the corner of her eye, but she still couldn't look at him directly.

"Uh, huh" Jonah mumbled and awkwardly nodded his head.

But Amy kept talking, "So I ended my marriage and... it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I thought, my life can change. I can have more. I can be more. But… then. I had to go and get myself pregnant… again,.." Amy felt the emotions rush through her, her voice cracked a little, "with the same guy, ...again… and here I am making all the same mistakes all over again… and I'm just… I'm just… My life isn't going to change. There's isn't more for me. This. Is. It. And, it's…just... fine."

Amy released a loud sigh and held her hands up in front of her. She glanced up and saw Jonah open his mouth to speak, but Amy quickly continued before he could say anything, "It's just fine. It is, what it is, and it's just fine." She said this more like she was trying to convince herself.

"So… I guess. I wanted- I kissed you,.. because, I wanted to just be selfish. Even if just for a minute. I'm so tired of not doing the things I… want. So, yeah, it was selfish that I kissed you Jonah. I know you are with Kelly and it was wrong. But.. I guess, I hoped maybe… maybe?... you'd want me to..."

Amy finally finished speaking, her last words hanging in the air. She was still staring at the table and after a deep breath she looked up at the suspiciously quiet Jonah.

Even though he had shifted around a lot while she spoke, Jonah was now sitting very still which was unlike him and his eyes glazed over like he was lost in thought.

"Are you…" Amy's voice sounded very small now, "...gonna say,... Anything?"

"I,.. uh,.." Jonah sighed and looked at her, "Are you, gonna get back with Adam?"

"OH-GOD-NO." Amy answered very quickly and loudly, almost making Jonah flinch in surprise. "No," She repeated again more gently, "No, that's..." She paused and gave an ironic chuckle, "that's one mistake I don't need to repeat."

"Okay," Jonah shared her chuckle weakly and nodded, but his face was still very blank and he still looked lost in his thoughts. "So,.. so you are just gonna…?"

"Um," Amy coughed slightly, "I'm,.. yeah. I'm just gonna… well, I don't know,.. I guess I'm doing it alone. I mean, not ALL ALONE," Amy quickly corrected herself, "Adam will be involved, for sure.. But not.. Not involved with…" She gestured weirdly at herself, "not with me."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh…" Jonah nodded.

Amy paused and looked directly at Jonah who wasn't looking at her at all and seemed to be still lost in his thoughts. There was a bewilderment in his eyes and she sighed.

"I know you are with Kelly, Jonah" Amy's voice sounded small again, "I'm not expecting anything from you...I mean, I guess I maybe thought… but, nevermind. I mean, don't worry I don't… It's fine. I'm sorry…. We can just forget about the kiss."

"NO" This time it was Jonah who spoke suddenly causing Amy to flinch in surprise. "Uh,.." Jonah shook his head and looked at her, " I..uh,... no. No, I waited a long time for that kiss, I don't want to, I can't.. Forget it."

Jonah looked at her with emotional eyes now and Amy felt a bubble of hope rise up inside of her, is this… is this what she had hoped for? They stared at each other directly for a long minute.

"But it's just such horrible timing!" Jonah suddenly exploded and stood up from the table.

He started pacing around the break room, having gone from oddly still to endless energy. Amy leaned back in her chair and awkwardly fused with her now empty cup, so much for that moment of hope.

"I mean,.." Jonah started talking quickly with a tone of frustration as he paced, "It's just. Uh, well.. Kelly." He put emphasis on her name and motioned to an empty corner of the room like she was a ghost listening in, "And I, are… moving forward. And. It's just been, so… nice. Honestly, it's been nice finally being able to feel like… maybe. MAYBE I could,.. Like, move ON. Because you know.." Jonah paused and motioned to Amy who raised her eyebrows in response, "You know, I've been…" He waved his hands frantically around like they were a suitable substitute for words, "for… YOU. So... I mean... " Jonah paused and sighed, he realized he wasn't really saying what he wanted to say so he tried to calmly collect his thoughts, "It's just… I waited. I waited 2 years for, ….you. And then you kiss me… NOW." He said 'now' like it was a really heavy rock he was finally setting down on the ground.

And with the weight of that rock being set down, the frustration of the moment hung in the air of the break room. Amy's tiredness was catching up to her again, so she threw her hands up in the air and sighed hopelessly, "Well, I don't know Jonah.. When, … When would have been a good time?! Do you have a secretary I should schedule these things with?" Sarcasm caused her voice to get louder.

"Uh-" Jonah started, "no, what I HAVE… What I have is a girlfriend whom I lo- uh, I LIKE quite a bit… and-"

"Well, Sorry Jonah." Amy cut him off and suddenly rose out of her seat knocking over her chair, "I would of kissed you when you were single.. But- Oh wait- I DID. During the hurricane."

"You were married!" Jonah raised his arms and yelled, "What was I supposed to do?! You were with Adam. And NOW,.. you are having HIS baby. He's ALWAYS the man in your life that I can't compete with-"

"But I don't want Adam!" Amy interrupted, yelling loudly now, "I.. I want you!"

"Well, that's JUST great!" Jonah yelled back sarcastically, "Because I want you, too!"

"Great!" Amy yelled sarcastically in return and threw up her hands.

"Great!" Jonah sarcastically echoed her also throwing up his hands.

Then they stopped yelling and just stared at each other in silence. Their words hung in the air.

"Uh, excuse me?" A shrill voice interrupted the silence. Amy and Jonah both jolted and turned to see that they had an audience. All the employees had returned to the break room, with Kelly in front looking completely bewildered and pissed off. Sandra stood behind her with a look of glee. Dina was nodding her head knowingly. And Garrett wheeled into the room with a delighted grin,

"Damn, now THIS is the movie we should have been filming today!"

"...Great..." Both Amy and Jonah mumbled in unison.


End file.
